1/09/2008

fear

I'm usually grappling with fear to some extent and am sometimes nearly paralyzed by it. I'm mostly at peace, however, when engaged with present realities, such as loading the dishwasher, writing or rolling my cart through Safeway. For this reason and a few others, I genuinely enjoy most mundane tasks.

But give me a few idle hours and fear sidles up on the couch next to me, and if I'm not focussed on anything in particular, I'm easily sucked into the conversation. Perhaps I'm especially vulnerable now because we're in a transitional time full of unknowns.

It helps that Anna is addicted to the Chronicles of Narnia and we have been reading through the series for a year now. She's memorized entire paragraphs and corrects my pronunciation on names like "Silenus." Anyway, although I would welcome a new book into our reading routine, Narnia helps me more now than it ever did when I was a kid.

We almost always come across something ticklish, comforting or beautiful during our nightly read. Tonight we read a chapter from Prince Caspian, in which Lucy sees Aslan and he asks her to follow him, but her siblings all deny his presence and refuse.

Later on, Susan is full of guilt about her denial, and she doesn't want to face Aslan:

"Then, after an awful pause, the deep voice said, 'Susan.' Susan made no answer but the others thought she was crying. 'You have listened to fears, child,' Aslan said. 'Come let me breathe on you. Forget them. Are you brave again?'"

7 comments:

marji said...

Jenny,
I've just come home, traveling through a cold, dreary, rainy night. It's such a comfort to be able to connect with you via our blogs. You were my 'welcome home' tonight. Thank you for sharing this intimate glimpse into you and your fears. Like Anna, you are a brave diver into untamed waters.

jennyb said...

I am scared too. I just moved to a new city, I know no one outside of the 4 walls in which i live, and I am struck by loneliness and fear these days... thank you for your post. I need to let Aslan breathe on me.

amy said...

Jenny,
I hope you don't mind me, a perfect stranger, surfing in to read your blog. You are a beautiful writer and I especially enjoyed this entry on fear. You're so honest and it's comforting - in a way- to know that another woman, another mom out there understands the battle with fear.

Peace to you and yours~

Jenny said...

Dear Amy,

I'm delighted to hear from you--and thank you for your kind words!

Julia said...

I like the idea of fear as something you can have a conversation with. As soon as you start conversing with fear, it's all over. Thanks for bringing this to light, Jenny. I think you were orating the chronicles last time I was at your house...that Anna is not joking around when it comes to Narnia.

Atypical Christian Woman said...

Dear Sister,
I am another stranger who just surfed in through boundless.org. I hope you don't mind me surfing in. I like your writings because they have a redemptive tone. Honestly, that kind of tone has been missing in a lot of boundless.org literature. I am boycotting boundless, as of today. But I will still go back every now and then just to look for your articles.

Enjoy Hawaii!

Christy said...

Jenny,
Your post inspired me to read Prince Caspian again for the sixth time. and i cried and was so thankful for the picture of Jesus in Aslan and the freedom from fear he gives. Thanks.